Disclaimer: This article is not for the faint
Of heart, the weak of constitution, those who find Borat offensive,
Or any combination of the three.
If you knew my host mom you would know that she suffers from situational mongolitis, using politically correct terms of course. If you aren´t familiar with this very technical term the root comes from the tico word mongolo/a, meaning retard and not to be confused with the Castilian word mongolo or feminine mongola which means of Mongolian decent or chinito in layman’s terms. At any rate one afternoon she comes home early from a tiring day of shit shooting and panty scrubbing, sits down for about 6 seconds before she becomes restless. Usually when posed with this predicament some ingenious, well intentioned plan to destroy something and not repair it crops up into her mind.
Now let me rewind the tape a bit, how silly of me to forget you, reader, are not omniscient and therefore cannot possibly know the pour qua behind my host mom´s next project. So, my host niece comes over. She´s three. She´s cute. She can even be said to be adorable. She comes over, you don´t see the problem here…well she has lice. Now I was told she no longer had lice, in the past tense, and was therefore allowed out of quarantine and welcomed with open arms into our humble abode. After and only after the child in question has dutifully, and I say dutifully because children are made for the purpose of propagation of pathogens. It says it somewhere in National Geographic or Animal Planet or something. Their lesser purposes include bringing immense joy to the world and producing a plethora of bodily fluids in abundance. As I stated before, after the ´suspect´ has rubbed her head all over the ´victim´, my pillow and over my vaquita (a.k.a my child in bovine, stuffed animal form) and proceeds to assault my teddy bear sheets and spring time perennial floral comforter (aside: I love sharing superfluous information). After and only after this has come to pass, I was informed that dear Celeste, the ´suspect´, has lice.
When we first discussed out piojo eradication plan (PIP) we discussed 3 options, none of which were ultimately used.
The first option is called fire in the jupa. No you are not mistaken, that is the name. Sound grotesque, possibly, but with a fire extinguisher nearby, wait those aren´t available here, well at any rate its 3% safe for persons over 18. This option involves lathering kerosene into the patient´s hair and scalp. Maybe this can be perceived as dangerous, illegal, negligent even in some social circles, because a 3 year old tot with a burnt scalp would surely make national news. It may even create sanatorium like consequences, but I assure you they would just put out the fire with water. Although with the no water, no opening of the refrigerator after sweating rule we may have run into problems activating our EAP.
Hair cream usage was our second and notably less drastic option. The problem lies in the logic of it all, as do most things in this house. The explanation I was given was simple, the lice simply slide right out. This sounds more like a Slip ´n Slide or water park fun for your cabeza, but not very practical. I´ve heard that piojos don´t like amusement parks or even amusement, they´re Jehovah´s Witnesses (something about going thee out and multiplying).
Our last option, obviously not because they used another strategy, was dog shampoo. By far the most understandable, although it could be said to be bad form to compare a child to a shiatsu…nada que ver. As if children weren´t already treated like dogs…feed ´em, poop ém, pet ém…it adds insult to injury to wash them with dog shampoo. I mean seriously children´s rights violation.
Continuing on with my host mom’s afternoon project, she decides to demonstrate Darwin´s Theory of Evolution by extracting the little lice buglings from the nugget (thanks Leslie Bricetti for this word) suspect´s cranium. It was like a scene from Gorillas in the Mist, or Planet of the Apes, or some primatey, gorillamonkeyapechimp movie. I won´t try to influence your decision, reader, so I leave you a picture. Decide for yourself.
Soon after the individualized piojo extraction, they get fed up by the futile mission, not before blaspheming God and cussing the poor creatures’ ´mothers to hell. Here´s a mild direct quote for all my virgin eared readers out there, éstos hijo de putas mierdosos que caminan pa´lla y pa´ca…usted no se imagina como caminan estos mal paridos.´ Well yes in fact, host mamita, I do, but that’s beside the point. Picking up where we left off their next project was to cut her bangs with kindergarten scissors.
You have never seen a haircut experience quite like this, top notch en serio. Something like the black barbershop experience, which is obvio the most superior. Where else can you get lined the hell up, powdered and have a complimentary eyebrow, nose and stache trim? I mean really, other than a Brazilian waxing place (oh you don´t think they do anything other than whoha fades, you´ve obviously not been to the right one).
In conclusion, I can´t be sure why I wrote this expose, if you will, in the first place. Could I have been teaching youth about safer sex practices, or helping small children understand the importance of being a steward of the environment, nope probably not. Tal vez it would have been better spent enlightening my mind through Chelsea Handler, cross culturally engaging through the age old ritual of cafecito or maybe just on the couch watching Jersey Shore in Spanish. Really I just filled time with non-VRF activity and wasted precious moments of your life. You´re welcome.
jueves, 1 de septiembre de 2011
sábado, 3 de octubre de 2009
Beauty Pageants and Catechism Halls
I thought I would talk a little bit about the culture before boring you with details of my work here in Costa Rica (actually this is just a front for me wanting to talk about some crazy Costa Rican stuff).
My anecdote for today has to do with Costa Rican fundraising endeavors. You are all aware of how we fundraise in the States. It usually involves somethign for the whole family, generally involves some sort of entertainment for all age groups. This could include a block party, a charity sporting event etc. When it is not an event for children it usually involves a black tie affair complete with a scrumptous dinner and some sort of high cultural intrigue...maybe a classy band, maybe a night out at the opera, something artsy who knows. Anyways Ticos have a different sort of fundraising technique. I will share with you the story of my first cross-cultural fundraising colaboration with my community. Background info: they are trying to finish constructing a building that will be where they hold catholic church events (catechism, etc). They have some of it built from funds they collected from the community but they did not suffice and so the we needed to raise more money for the building to be finished.
Ok so the idea was to have a beauty pageant...interesting idea for a church fundraiser but hey I am open. So we had to get soem girlies to volunteer and then they had to get someone to sponsor them by giving them a minimum f 10,000 colones (a little less than $20). We had a bit of a hard time getting girls in the right age category so it ended up being 3 old maids...21-25 year old women who aren´t married or don´t have kids ( I was included in this bunch!!!) and 3 younger ladies...or 12 year olds. You might think that maybe a 12 year old can´t compete with a 25 year old, but I mean hey that´s the way the cookie crumbled. Anywho I had to go fulfill my responsibilty of soliciting money so my host mom offered to come and help me. So...
One morning she wakes up and tells me she´s not going to work because we are going to go ask for money. she told me to take a shower put on nice clothes...especially a nice shirt (meaning a semi-low cut shirt if you catch my drift) and to put on some make-up and perfume so we can go. I did as she asked ( my shirt was not that low...so don´t go judging me!!!) and we left. We get down to Aguas Zarcas and start looking for the "rich guys". We went to businesses like ceramics warehouses and tool stores and lawyers offices to ask for money from the owners. I don´t speak one word the entire day, just sit an d look pretty literally. My host mom walks into these places and says we are doing a Reinado de Muchachas for the church in Garabito and we´d like to know if you would help. I brought on of the contestants so that you can look at her. At this point the "gentleman" would look over at me...look me up and down and take a 10,000 colon bill out of his wallet and we would say thank you and leave. If that does not seem akward to any of you let me just tell you that it really really is!!!
This story doesn´t end there though. We´ll skip forward to the night of the event. The contestants are anounced we walk in and sit at a table in front of the whole crowd. Since the building is not finished most of the people are outside, where they can see everything but where they don´t technically have to pay and entrance fee. Anyways they sit us in front of everyone and then say now you can come inside and pay 500 colones to dance with the candidate of your choice. This trail of men come in paying their 500 colones (like 75 cents) and walk toward the 3 of us who are actually of age. Needless to say they got all their 500 coloned worth whirling us around the floor (an aside: those who paid were not the most gentlemanly of the group) until finally dinner was served to the contestants and we were allowed to sit in peace. I tried to eat for as long as possible though that was hard when all these hungry men are staring at you so that you will stop eating and they can continue enjoying your company. I will not continue on about the rest of the night, but we´ll say I left when I had my sufficient fill of drunken men being in my general vicinity.
In conclusion, I wouldn´t say that this form of fundraising we be that which I employ in my next 2 years. I think I will go more for the family fun ruite instead, but all in all it was definately a learning experience and colorful cultural exchange!!!
Also included here for your reading pleasure: Costa Rican home remedies section
Yes we all have them...lemon and honey for a sore throat, cranberry juice for a urinary tract infection etc, but at some point the failure of our home remedies or the severity of the illness tends to lead us to abandon the remedy and look for a qualified doctor. Here are a few remedies that I have been offered to try and other volunteers may or may not have tried (aside: Kathryn Rouillard...fellow RCD volunteer and future Tica in Training has tried multiple of these...you decide if there is cause for intervention!!!)
1. malaise--urinary tract infection...cure--a combination of icy hot and salt lathered inside the belly button
2. vomiting and/or diarrhea--having a local woman come to the house and push out all the balls in your blood....definition of balls in your blood....tendons in your arm, lymph nodes in your neck, spinal medulla, knuckles etc. This must be followed up by drinking a cup of coffee wityh equal parts sugar and salt...its better if it makes you vomit because that means you are truely cured.
3. swollen appendage--rub the belly of a toad...CANNOT be a frog...over the injured limb
4. swollen tongue...as in your air passage is being obstructed and you may possibly suffocate...place a towel in the mouth to keep the tongue from growing and tilt the head backwards (yes even though it seems counterintuitive to lean the head backwards due to the possibility of the tongue obstructing the airway and suffocating the patient this is an absolute must)
More to come!!!
My anecdote for today has to do with Costa Rican fundraising endeavors. You are all aware of how we fundraise in the States. It usually involves somethign for the whole family, generally involves some sort of entertainment for all age groups. This could include a block party, a charity sporting event etc. When it is not an event for children it usually involves a black tie affair complete with a scrumptous dinner and some sort of high cultural intrigue...maybe a classy band, maybe a night out at the opera, something artsy who knows. Anyways Ticos have a different sort of fundraising technique. I will share with you the story of my first cross-cultural fundraising colaboration with my community. Background info: they are trying to finish constructing a building that will be where they hold catholic church events (catechism, etc). They have some of it built from funds they collected from the community but they did not suffice and so the we needed to raise more money for the building to be finished.
Ok so the idea was to have a beauty pageant...interesting idea for a church fundraiser but hey I am open. So we had to get soem girlies to volunteer and then they had to get someone to sponsor them by giving them a minimum f 10,000 colones (a little less than $20). We had a bit of a hard time getting girls in the right age category so it ended up being 3 old maids...21-25 year old women who aren´t married or don´t have kids ( I was included in this bunch!!!) and 3 younger ladies...or 12 year olds. You might think that maybe a 12 year old can´t compete with a 25 year old, but I mean hey that´s the way the cookie crumbled. Anywho I had to go fulfill my responsibilty of soliciting money so my host mom offered to come and help me. So...
One morning she wakes up and tells me she´s not going to work because we are going to go ask for money. she told me to take a shower put on nice clothes...especially a nice shirt (meaning a semi-low cut shirt if you catch my drift) and to put on some make-up and perfume so we can go. I did as she asked ( my shirt was not that low...so don´t go judging me!!!) and we left. We get down to Aguas Zarcas and start looking for the "rich guys". We went to businesses like ceramics warehouses and tool stores and lawyers offices to ask for money from the owners. I don´t speak one word the entire day, just sit an d look pretty literally. My host mom walks into these places and says we are doing a Reinado de Muchachas for the church in Garabito and we´d like to know if you would help. I brought on of the contestants so that you can look at her. At this point the "gentleman" would look over at me...look me up and down and take a 10,000 colon bill out of his wallet and we would say thank you and leave. If that does not seem akward to any of you let me just tell you that it really really is!!!
This story doesn´t end there though. We´ll skip forward to the night of the event. The contestants are anounced we walk in and sit at a table in front of the whole crowd. Since the building is not finished most of the people are outside, where they can see everything but where they don´t technically have to pay and entrance fee. Anyways they sit us in front of everyone and then say now you can come inside and pay 500 colones to dance with the candidate of your choice. This trail of men come in paying their 500 colones (like 75 cents) and walk toward the 3 of us who are actually of age. Needless to say they got all their 500 coloned worth whirling us around the floor (an aside: those who paid were not the most gentlemanly of the group) until finally dinner was served to the contestants and we were allowed to sit in peace. I tried to eat for as long as possible though that was hard when all these hungry men are staring at you so that you will stop eating and they can continue enjoying your company. I will not continue on about the rest of the night, but we´ll say I left when I had my sufficient fill of drunken men being in my general vicinity.
In conclusion, I wouldn´t say that this form of fundraising we be that which I employ in my next 2 years. I think I will go more for the family fun ruite instead, but all in all it was definately a learning experience and colorful cultural exchange!!!
Also included here for your reading pleasure: Costa Rican home remedies section
Yes we all have them...lemon and honey for a sore throat, cranberry juice for a urinary tract infection etc, but at some point the failure of our home remedies or the severity of the illness tends to lead us to abandon the remedy and look for a qualified doctor. Here are a few remedies that I have been offered to try and other volunteers may or may not have tried (aside: Kathryn Rouillard...fellow RCD volunteer and future Tica in Training has tried multiple of these...you decide if there is cause for intervention!!!)
1. malaise--urinary tract infection...cure--a combination of icy hot and salt lathered inside the belly button
2. vomiting and/or diarrhea--having a local woman come to the house and push out all the balls in your blood....definition of balls in your blood....tendons in your arm, lymph nodes in your neck, spinal medulla, knuckles etc. This must be followed up by drinking a cup of coffee wityh equal parts sugar and salt...its better if it makes you vomit because that means you are truely cured.
3. swollen appendage--rub the belly of a toad...CANNOT be a frog...over the injured limb
4. swollen tongue...as in your air passage is being obstructed and you may possibly suffocate...place a towel in the mouth to keep the tongue from growing and tilt the head backwards (yes even though it seems counterintuitive to lean the head backwards due to the possibility of the tongue obstructing the airway and suffocating the patient this is an absolute must)
More to come!!!
viernes, 11 de septiembre de 2009
My New Home...Garabito de Aguas Zarcas
Anyways, I love my town. The people are really great. There are a couple of LARGE problems societal problems we will need to face...such as racism against Nicaraguans...you can imagine that this is a big problem with half of the population of this town being Tico (Costa Rican) and the other Nicaraguan, but I have faith that I will eb able to change some people´s (mainly the younger generation) mind. We also have to get a development organization going so that we can solicit the government for funds to fix some infrastructural thing s such as a community center/gym, a park for the kids to play and for people to gather and a soccer field...because what Latin American community could function without a soccer field...i´m not complaining...I happen to love the idea!!! Well that is all for now because my host sister is getting impacient. At least now you know a little bit more about what I will be doing and where I am living...though there is so much more to tell. Hope you enjoy the pictures!!!
jueves, 20 de agosto de 2009
Very Sorry
This is just a quick blog to say im sorry for beign so negligent for so long!!! As many of you know it is a bit hard for me to get to the internet and when I do get to it blogging is not my first priority. BUT I promise to be better and to continually provide you with interesting stories and such.
For today I don´t have much time so I will just leave you with some pictures to hold you over until I actualy write something!!!
viernes, 26 de junio de 2009
Que Hijo de Putica Grillo para Joder
So for those of you wondering what the hack the title means I first have to tell you that in Costa Rica unlike every other country in latin america, joder, hijo de puta and its derivative hijo de putica, pendejo etc are not considered swears. At first I was alarmed at hearing young children say that their stomach was jodido (from the word joder), but then I realized that here it is fine to swear because there is no word that is taboo!!!
Anwho the title means "What a SOB Cricket to F*%# around"or to F*%# up your sleep in our case. That my friends is where my story begins. So on Tuesday night probably around the hours of 9 o´clock at night, one hour after everyone in my town goes to sleep, a cricket found its way into the ceiling of my house. For those of you who aren´t aware in Costa Rica there is nothing to seperate the roof from the floors of the house. There are no walls the reach all the way to the roof just a couple of pieces of patched together wood to hold up the tin roof. As you can imagine all types of bugs and other wildlife have easy entrance into one´s house. Anyways the cricket made its way in and nestled somewhere above my host sister´s bed. So around ten the little guy starts chirping away and we all rustle around in our beds trying to make the sound go away and fall back asleep. In the case of my host sister Anita and her grandmother that worked. In the case of my host mother and I it didn´t. So we huff and puff most of the night in and out of sleep (this guy chirps loud as ever and it doesn´t help that I live in RURAL Costa Rica where its silent at night) until finally around 3 o´clock in the morning we are fed up. My host mom jumps out of the bed and yells, "Que Hijo de Putica Grillo para Joder",and with that is off to find the broom. I jump out of the bed wondering what exactly she is about to do about the situation when I see her come around the corner with the broom and this wild look in her eye. She marches herself into my host sister´s room and climbs up to the top bunk of the bed where Anita is sound asleep and literally steps around her and begins to bang on the roof, the wood pieces above her head, on the walls that go half way up to the roof...basically anywhere you can wack a broom. She is going at it until finally my host sister kicks her and is like what in the world are you doing its 3 o´clock in the freaking morning. I think she stopped for a grand total of 5 seconds and then started again. The dang cricket still doesn´t shut up so she moves onto the living room where there is a part over the porch where you can store stuff. She was absolutely convinced that the cricket was hiding out in there and that if she could just bang enough she would get it to stop chirping so that we could sleep. I want to say that after 5 minutes it did stop...kind of as a cruel joke, so she finally decides to go back to bed. She gets all tucked into bed, so snuggly and warm, she finally feels safe enough to turn of the light...no sooner does she turn off the light when the stupid piece of crap cricket starts going again. I´m in my bed praying that she´ll give in and take the if you can´t beat ´em join ´em mentality, but she´s better than that, which I knew. The whole episode starts again until finally around 4:30 am she gives in. The cricket stopped chirping at 5 when the sun came out.
Anwho the title means "What a SOB Cricket to F*%# around"or to F*%# up your sleep in our case. That my friends is where my story begins. So on Tuesday night probably around the hours of 9 o´clock at night, one hour after everyone in my town goes to sleep, a cricket found its way into the ceiling of my house. For those of you who aren´t aware in Costa Rica there is nothing to seperate the roof from the floors of the house. There are no walls the reach all the way to the roof just a couple of pieces of patched together wood to hold up the tin roof. As you can imagine all types of bugs and other wildlife have easy entrance into one´s house. Anyways the cricket made its way in and nestled somewhere above my host sister´s bed. So around ten the little guy starts chirping away and we all rustle around in our beds trying to make the sound go away and fall back asleep. In the case of my host sister Anita and her grandmother that worked. In the case of my host mother and I it didn´t. So we huff and puff most of the night in and out of sleep (this guy chirps loud as ever and it doesn´t help that I live in RURAL Costa Rica where its silent at night) until finally around 3 o´clock in the morning we are fed up. My host mom jumps out of the bed and yells, "Que Hijo de Putica Grillo para Joder",and with that is off to find the broom. I jump out of the bed wondering what exactly she is about to do about the situation when I see her come around the corner with the broom and this wild look in her eye. She marches herself into my host sister´s room and climbs up to the top bunk of the bed where Anita is sound asleep and literally steps around her and begins to bang on the roof, the wood pieces above her head, on the walls that go half way up to the roof...basically anywhere you can wack a broom. She is going at it until finally my host sister kicks her and is like what in the world are you doing its 3 o´clock in the freaking morning. I think she stopped for a grand total of 5 seconds and then started again. The dang cricket still doesn´t shut up so she moves onto the living room where there is a part over the porch where you can store stuff. She was absolutely convinced that the cricket was hiding out in there and that if she could just bang enough she would get it to stop chirping so that we could sleep. I want to say that after 5 minutes it did stop...kind of as a cruel joke, so she finally decides to go back to bed. She gets all tucked into bed, so snuggly and warm, she finally feels safe enough to turn of the light...no sooner does she turn off the light when the stupid piece of crap cricket starts going again. I´m in my bed praying that she´ll give in and take the if you can´t beat ´em join ´em mentality, but she´s better than that, which I knew. The whole episode starts again until finally around 4:30 am she gives in. The cricket stopped chirping at 5 when the sun came out.
lunes, 22 de junio de 2009
Starting Today
Ok so this is my official first blog entry...ever...in life!!! Hopefully you will find this blog entertaining at best and semi-informative....but don´t count too much on that.
Today I don´t have any good stories...or maybe its just so hot in this place that I temporarily forgot them all. Either way I will be sure to have something to say for my following entries.
Ok well I hope everyone is good. I miss all of you a ton and I hope with this like little baby sneak peak into my life as a PeaceCorps volunteer you can kind of understand what it is that I´m doing down here in paradise.
Love you all,
Dani
Today I don´t have any good stories...or maybe its just so hot in this place that I temporarily forgot them all. Either way I will be sure to have something to say for my following entries.
Ok well I hope everyone is good. I miss all of you a ton and I hope with this like little baby sneak peak into my life as a PeaceCorps volunteer you can kind of understand what it is that I´m doing down here in paradise.
Love you all,
Dani
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